still more hearshearing, about my relations, this life

There is a war going on. Not only in the world out there but in the hearts and the minds. Nd this war inside is the couse of the the troubles out there. Its reflected in all structures of comunication or lack of comunication. The fear piles up misconceptions. Paranoia its called. The most crazy war i have known is the war in the homes. Between parents and between ex lovers. This war is the most hurting and dangerious and cant be ended until we have comunities the right sice, enough small, so everybody knows each other and then the circle becomes the healing center of relations in the family, willage, tribe. Not only the circle but also spiritual tools to work with one self. These kind of tools I have come across through videos from the zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. He is a true man of compation and also a Sangha creator. Whent through unbelievable traumas in the Vietnam war. I advise all of his tecnicks in calming our minds and coming to the hear and now. All his teachings is heartshearing. Coming from experience and compassion. See videos on you tube and google. Just put his name into the search vindow.

The bitter fruits of ignorance.

I know.. this is gona be the hardest chapter for me to write. And how can i make it right. How can i only talk nicely about a being who is into hurting a child. How can i try to understand this poor soul who is into enjoying her self bye inflicting pain upon innocent heats and a heart who only want goodness. How can i grasp the source of this hatred in all her closest relations.

A learning i am going through bye having lived through power game relation with a woman and a mother, who is ignorant of her damaged relationship patterns from her own upbringing and how she is putting the same arrogant hatred on to her child. And how she repeats exactly her negative cycle with all the 3 men she has had children with.... and still stuck on patriarchal relation form. This is like a shadow of all human relations of today. Women can have selfish resons for wanting a child. Just for their need to have someone, something... at least not alone... I have a purpose... i have entertainmennt and a company...a decoration, something to feel proud of or at least to feel important. Are there pages missing her?. Some enzims or dna crippled? Did the mother of this mother burn her heart and feelings asunder. Where did this ignorance get its devilish horns? And most importantly, how to get a healing. How to wake up from this posion in mind? What are the chances that a child can get through a relation with such a mother without damigde, or is there no chance for the child to ever live a happy life after being through this trauma in the mother. Is there no chance for us humans to rise and truly stand and be a whole being with the phocus in the heart? See truth in the eye? And choose to be open, to relax, choose to be human with feelings and some small amount of a hint of compassion for others also, not only my feeling and my possession and my power. My pride and my willpower. But rise above the imagination of fear. Realise that fear is only a feeling. And what we truly need to fear is not becoming victems of our own fear and destroy there bye all our relations and feeling for oneness, truth, respect, love and harmony.

I have talked a lot about the wisdom of the women in the ice time. Of course all women are not wise... specially not these days where women have been brought up in the power game relationships. A way blind to the inner realm of the human being. And the energy and consciousness interconnectedness of all living beings.

What about this lack of wisdom? how much damage is it doing in intimate relations and to the child growing up in this kind of ignorant relationship. How are women and men suffering from this lack of a understanding of how relations work?

Yes i am in a situation where i see and experience this lack of wisdom in practice. I just realized it now that i am going through this to be able to learn the right way. And in the procsess of learning... i have stepped on lines... and hurt myself and the people around me, those closest to me. Here is my 100 kilo bag on my back with a question sign.
How can i help or find a way here? Out of this muddy waters? Yes i can go on writing about this and explaining what i see and feel. I can also meditate more, and relax and heal myself and through this selfhealing come down to a state of no wanting. (and this is very hard, seemingly impossible, how can I ever be calm when i know the boy is suffering and is in a constant closeup with such mind polution around im? Just being and trusting the great telepathic heart-mind... and working with energies... I have allready tryed everthing with no result, but i will have to do it better.. more consious, more gentle the consious energies... and gradually come to a point of non expectancy... without loosing compation for both of them, I can also use this time I havent had with my child to help other children. And to support children in need and animals and whom ever has problems. I can go on explaining the great healing effect of heart shearing in letters and on gatherings... i can paint and sing my feelings about whatever i am going through and i can make a cosy place somewhere so that finally when the boy is free from his mother sick oppression, he can come to me in a nature house... a kota in the forest bye a lake or sea... i can make a bout ready and find bathing places we can go to... I can cry and howl at the moon when the pain is like a knife in my stomack or my heart. I can rest in the hear and now... and talk to the sun and admire the flowers and water them... I can help Iceland, bye finding a cosy place for a Ting gathering and shear my vision and feelings with Icelandes... and then i can go to other gatherings... Rainbow gatherings and local mini Tings gatherings etc... I can breath and walk mindfully and bye going away from hurting ways, to healing ways and gradually rise above this pain.

and love is my guru...even when i sit in a sea of pain and sorrow,... heilolouu
.perhaps i am a slow learner, but i do learn.

Tryggvi

pppps this is way i say... dont make a child with anyone until u know this person for many years to be love and visdome and into heartshearing and circular ways. I have the bitter taist of not being consious of this ground carefulness. Yes i come from a tvisted culture of alkaholism and opression for 1000 years. But i have aboundoned that stile of culture. I have foound another way and im on that track,... all this shearing is actually from the past but i am looking at it for to get it out of my system. And yes this woman talked about is the only person i have met in my life that i can say yes she is heavy. The wound is still there. The boy is with her in a kind of a jailhouse. This is my greef. And i meditate upon healing possibilities. All my life i have not taken part in violence and newer had this problem of fighting with a woman exept this strange person. Obs, when i was 6 i had a fight with one girl 2 or 3 years older. Thats it. I really am convinced that this is something in her that triggers this unstableness. I can feel it yes that some people have a very good vibration and in others i feel something disturbing. Then i am drawn to the good vibration. So this bad caracter i am projected to be from Ómis mother is not me. Its made up or it mirrors her more than me. But yes, something is there undone in me. Many many hurts i have whent through. And i have been very angree at times when looking into the history of humanity. Such ugly sights to see. But there is beuty also. And im into seeing that more than the inocent blodstains. So now i go a bit out to see the sun. I am relly feeling i need to get theese feelings out of my system. Heiloloo

.... and now on the second day after feeling all these heavy feelings towards a mother and a person in pain and confusion. I feel I havent whent through the obsticle... im still in front of it... looking at it and grasping all its aspects. So... some deeper understading is called for. Who are these arkitipes? And where is the learning in his relationship, or absence of relations?. All theese meditations are about how to give this boy a chance for a normal life. At least a better life. Hm... so im going to look into this again and shear, and with more care...
until he has a fare situation, this meditation will go on...

no this relationship was not always like this. But we where really uncareful both of us. So it could not last. And this patriarcal pattern of dependancy. Simbiosis stile, we where always togeather for years. No wisdom used. Just straight on full blast. No bounderies could hold this stile of living. Like i said, i fealt so strong, fealt like i could take anything. We painted and had a dream, her part on the left side was beautifully done. Very alife and growing. My part on the right side was night and white bluish. So it was day and night,... winter and summer. The town we lived in bought this picture and its hanging there in their office. And we made more pictures togeather. And they all came out good. hm... It was fun and we where close then. Very close. Too close, and it didnt last, becouse there was no cultivation. There was no dharma rain. And bad seeds watered a lot. 2 days ago i had just talked to Ómis mother and like i said, she showered me with negativy projection and dishonesty and denyal. She was this embodyment of selfishness and selfrightiosness. I totally forgot about this other side i saw in Grindavík in Iceland. This being she is when she dous not close her heart. That being is actually a beutiful being. That being was painting with me. I didnt want to remember that being 2 days ago. But now... when in my mind, i see these paintings. I remember that being. So now i can meditate upon that being.

and its because we didnt norish the good part in our self and starv the bad parts... we let everything hang loose... like growing a garden and not taking any weeds away...... and the garden dous not give much...

neither in our selfs nor togeather did we norish the best we had

later on we norished more and more the bad aspects of our selfs and each other

this is how it goes
letting everything loose

in relations as well as in everything...

and now there is not any real comunication

to find a living part i need to dig to the root

not with the aim of going into a patriarcal ralationshi, but to give this boy is birthright... gladness and joy
´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´
and now comes another chapter: Is there a holy way in relations?. how is it?.. can we see how it is when its natural and gentle, without pressure or negative projection?

And a question: how about the wise ladies of the ancient golden times ... how was it then?

what an optimal situation?

In the old school of the icetime, there where couples but having children was not nessisarily or outomatically their "job" as we can say. The women chooseen to have children each year where called may-queens. They would be selected through "divination"... in spring. 1. of may the queen would start to look for the right father of her child. hm... i think i will go throuh the whole icetime year calander at another time (for those who is eager to study this now, look for information on the ancient celtic calander) but rather look into how healthy and inspiring relations will be when we have come out of the ownership games, because also i have very little time now to go on writing, as I am preparing for the trawell to Iceland and its coming close to a long writing pause for me. (some months perhaps) But just to give a contrast between a power relationship and all its pitfalls and a holy relationship of the well informed, inlightened natur children of those going the gentle way, i will sheare some thoughts. (between this preperational work I am doing for my trip to the ferry in Bergen)
For tobegin with, you would never be with anyone exept if its your whole being, and specially your heart is telling you, aahh... i call it a lauging heart... its a special feeling in the heart. Its almost like the heart is making extre beats... and very pleasant.

Your whole being, all the different energies... love, thought and the cells, will and the creartive faculty, all are concent. This can not be pussed bye will. Just like a flower can not be pussed. Only with norishmennt and watering and light can it grow... so your love and openness grows.

and dharma... to cultivate one self and wholeness.... hm... some gurus in india say here.. if your focus is... "I want your love".. then that is not as prefound as: "I want to to give you pleasure"
on all levels... and wanting is not enough... i need to know how... what u need, who u are, inside... your story, your heart... what u really need to blossom, if not i may think i am giving u some value but perhaps its not needed


hm..